Looking forward, Hope is a practice

It has been a while since I have chatted with you in this form. Much has transpired since the last time. I think it would be safe for me to say that most, if not all, of you are struggling at this moment. (That is all you Americans…) I am woefully behind my usual schedule for the AGOS year. It has been a Fall. I went to Korea in October and oh my, what a trip that was! If you have the opportunity to join in one of Youngmin Lee’s textile tours, I highly recommend it. I need to gather my thoughts and reflections about that trip and write something about it. Unfortunately there was not much time between my recovering from jetlag and the election, so I have been blown off course, as it were.

There are many things I want to say to you, share with you, and I will do a bit of it below. If my thoughts are not why you signed up for my newsletter, then let me get to the retreat information right now. As in previous years, my schedule for the retreats is to announce the dates for the next year in October, announce the specific programming in January, and open registration in March for the retreats that take place in July and August. Other than the initial tardiness, the rest of the year will still unfold as expected. So these are the dates and subjects for the 2025 retreats:

Slow Fashion July, July 7-13
Slow Stitching July, July 14-20
Slow Fashion August, August 4-10
Slow Stitching August, August 11-17

I have the programming 98% nailed down, and that last part should come together in the next couple of weeks. Between now and when I announce the programming, I am intending to post about last Summer’s retreats on my blog. Until I update the website, the information from last year will remain so new folks can get a gander at what these events are all about. Being subscribed, as you are here, to my newsletter assures that you will receive the next year’s information as soon as it is public. There will be some returning teachers and some new faces. I am excited as I always am, about the potential for next Summer. 2025 will be my 10th year of retreats! I am not sure where all that time went, but I sure am glad I spent so much of it with Makers! I am unsure of how I will mark this moment, but there may be some surprises at Camp…

I also want to mention here that I am uneasy with social media. I would like to try and wean myself from it, at least from the amount of time I spend there. So I am going to try a little experiment for a bit where I post a photo on Instagram, but direct anyone interested in my words to my blog. I will also send out a newsletter alerting you to the new post, so if you are one of those blissful souls who is not tied to the technology, you can also read my words. There one will find more photos and my same old wordy self. I am sure there will be folks who do not click through, and I will lose some readers. But with all the weird and creepy shit going on with technology right now, I would like to try not to create too much content for them…

For those of you who are also interested in what I have to say beyond the retreat information, I apologize for not being more organized this Fall to post a recap of last Summer. Life conspired against me, I took some much needed time for myself immediately post retreats, and then suddenly it was time to head to Korea. Then there was that blasted election. As I imagine many of you are, I am struggling with what my role is, what my task is, literally what I should be doing going forward. The week of the election I reached out to my immediate people to check in on them, make sure they knew I was here for them. That kept me occupied, strong and angry, if in shock. The last two weeks have been harder, the anger still present, but muted a bit with despair, dread. Here we are. The scales have fallen from our eyes, and the ugly truth is just that, ugly. The election was not a landslide, as the polls have revealed. They are still counting votes and he won by a tiny margin, one of the smallest in history. Will anyone question the results? The integrity of this election? I don’t see it happening. Our entire system is failing us. 90 million people didn’t vote! That is one third of our population. The apathy is real. Our systems are failing us, and it is the greedy power hungry politicians who deserve our ire. I cannot help but resist, I hope you will join me.

What does all that mean for a small business woman like myself? It means that I feel it necessary to explain how my business works, how I continue on in the era of late stage capitalism. What being in business means to me. Why I will continue this venture as long as I am able. I have had a wide variety of ‘careers’ from modern dancer to photo editor to book seller to retreat producer. In all those years I worked damn hard, usually on the edges of mainstream commerce. Only one of those careers was in a corporate setting, and that one I left as the writing on the wall became clear- I was not a good fit in the corporate world. It was when I moved to Maine that I explored the world of owning your own business with all its attendant risks, responsibilities, and rewards. I have never looked back. That has meant there have been moments when there wasn’t much money in my bank account, and I didn’t have health insurance. When I wasn’t sure if what I was spending ALL my time and energy on was going to succeed. I come from a family of some means, so I have had help at various points, but there was always a limit to that. This is all to say, I know how to work, how to be uncertain of the future, and to put yourself out there when the results are unknown. Between all those years of working hard, and a small inheritance from a family member, and living in a relatively inexpensive part of the country, I am now at a place in my life where I am financially independent, and I can choose how to spend my time. The place where I choose to spend the majority of my time is on my retreats for A Gathering of Stitches.

When I was conceiving these gatherings I was still living the tenuous life of a small business owner, with my ex-husband. I was hyper aware of the privilege associated with being able to attend such an event. So one of my goals was to price my retreats fairly, accessibly. That meant that in the first five years, I literally made next to nothing. One year I believe I lost money. But then things started turning around. I persevered. I gained recognition for the quality of my events, and they started selling out. There was an understanding on my part that what I was offering had value, and that my pricing was not yet reflecting that. I tweaked the format, found the perfect location, adjusted my prices, and the equations added up properly. New businesses need 3-5 years before you know whether they’re gonna actually make it or not. At about five AGOS began to jell. Elements of my personal life allowed the retreats to occupy more space in my life, and the passing of my Father secured my status quo. Now AGOS is a going concern. I pay my teachers well (always have, that was a given from the beginning), I have a good relationship with the folks who own the venue where they take place, I have a bookkeeper and an accountant. I have an assistant for all four weeks of Camp and she gets paid, as did the previous one. I had to raise my prices again for inflation, but they are now in a sustainable place. For the past four years I have been able to give full scholarships to two Campers per session.

At the end of the year, I take an owner’s draw of between $15-25,000. So you see, I am not doing this to get rich, that has never been my goal. My goal is for a sustainable business that provides support, education, and community to myself and my ‘people’. So in these days of rampant greed, unscrupulous business practices, unsustainable models, and short sighted goals, I am just where I want to be. A Gathering of Stitches is just where I want it to be. It does not need to grow, I am uninterested in growing it. I like how involved I am in every aspect of it, I am unwilling to give that up. This business is my purpose in life, and I am deeply grateful and blessed for each day that I get to participate in it. I don’t care if it makes a profit, if it is scalable, if it is a good business model. I love it just as it is. My ‘salary’ goes into a pot that allows me a comfortable life and that is what I want from life. So capitalism can go fuck itself.

Will the near future cause changes in this structure? I don’t know. If we all get squeezed financially by bad governance, if the next administration throws us into recession, perhaps people won’t have discretionary funds for retreats. I have thought about that, worried about it. But there is not much I can do about it, is there? Personally I have had my share of difficulty in the past decade. I will never roll over and let anyone take advantage of me or ‘my’ people. But my taste for battle is waning. I just want to do the small amount of good I can and otherwise fade into the background, quietly stitching away. My platform is small and slow, and I am good with that. I thank everyone who has ever attended a retreat, all who support me and the retreats from afar, and everyone who might someday attend a retreat. Facing an uncertain and scary future, I continue to believe deeply in the importance of Craft, of Making, of having agency over materials to create function and beauty in our lives. That, and being kind and loving to others, is all I know. Why do I feel I need to share this with you now? I am not sure. I want to be honest and transparent, and responsible with my life and my business. I want to differentiate myself clearly from the many bad actors out there in commerce. I am a liberal, a progressive, a democrat (as opposed to a republican), I believe in civil rights for all, government that protects our citizens, and regulates business, and stays out of my bedroom and my Doctor’s office. I will always stand up for those the system is abusing. If any of this does not sit well with you, then perhaps you are in the wrong place. Otherwise, my fellow Makers, let’s create, and live, the life we believe in.

Just because I am trying to use this platform more than Instagram, here are some images from my daily life as it is going. Because the internet likes faces….